. . . rambling thots . . .

i'm trying hard to be my happy-self today, tapi benda nih kept bugging me.

entah la... aku dah tak tau dah nak buat camana lagi...

it's hard to please people. and sebenarnya aku dah tak larat dah nak jaga hati orang.

apakah? makan hati pasal aku refused to dengar pasal Scheme yang diorg join tu?
million times dulu pun dah bgtau aku tak nak.
sebab tu nak makan hati ngan aku?
APAKAH???

seriously? makan hati pasal aku cancel lunch date becoz i had to settle stuff with my house previous owner?
owner tu yang tukar plan last minute.
sebab tu nak makan hati ngan aku?
SERIOUSLY???

sebenarnya, aku tak kisah sgt kalau takat kata makan hati ngan aku.
aku boleh anggap macam benda tu tak pernah jadi.
aku boleh mintak maaf kalau diorg nak.

tapi, is it really necessary to say "tak hadap sangat nak gi rumah" aku???

coming from people yang ko ingat ko leh depend on...?
coming from people yang ko ingat ko closest to...?

siapa yang patut makan hati sebenarnya?
cerita sikit?
cerita sikit?

tak pe la...
kalau itu yang diorg rasa, aku tak ley nak buat apa-apa...
kalau itu yang diorg pikir, aku malas nak buat apa-apa...
kalau itu yang diorg nak buat, aku dah tak kuasa nak buat apa-apa...

come to think of it, this has happened before.

so, is it me?

if it is, i guess, honestly, i'd rather be alone.
kurang sikit nak jaga hati org, kurang sikit nak buat dosa kat org.

My life statistics:-

• 60 by 6
• max 1000 in 08
• in E at 35

Oh by the way, my phone is in it's crazy stage right now. Well, actually not the phone, the problem lies with the SIM card. Am thinking of getting my old number with the other SP soon. But since they've already canceled the line, I have to see if the number's still available for re-registration. Mintak mintak la ada lagi...

Another thing, the Internet in my office has also gone cuckoo!!! Last two weeks, it was nearly impossible to access any external sites. Last week, the connection was slower than a snail. This week, whenever I log in into i.e. Friendster, Blogger I kept going into someone else's account. No matter how many times I cleared the cache,cookies etc...!

And to add salt to the wound, our company's email is also having problem...

So, in short, you might find it really difficult to get in touch with me this past few weeks and perhaps the next too...

Fortunately, we have WiFi in the Cafetaria! So, here I am, sitting and blogging from the Cafe... But I could only come here at 5pm the earliest... I do have other things to do, you know... I'll try to find the time even with the current workload.

Well, what I'm trying to say here is that, in case you have anything urgent to tell me, just leave a message in the comment section or drop me an email. I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Ciao Bella!

new year...
new resolution...
new determination...
and hopefully, new you...

oh, also, new blog layout... soon...

it's about time - for a change!

Waiting on the World to Change
by John Mayer

Me and all my friends
We're all misunderstood
They say we stand for nothing
There's no way we ever could
Now we see everything is going wrong
With the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don't have the means
To rise above and beat it

So we keep waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change

Its hard to be persistant
When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change

Now if we had the power
To bring our neighbors home from war
They would've never missed a Christmas
No more ribbons on the door
When you trust your television
What you get is what you got
Cuz when when they own the information ooohhh,
They can bend it all they want

So while we're waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change

It's not that we don't care
We just know that the part ain't fair
So we keep waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change

We're still waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change

One day our generation
Is gonna rule the population

Recently, someone asked me, I guess for the sake of making small talk and filling in the silence, "why aren't you with anyone yet?"

I've been asked this questions so many times - by families, friends, aquaintances...
And I believe I've also written an entry (or maybe more) on the same topic in this blog of mine.

But each and every time, my answer is simple
"Nak kumpul asset dulu"

I have always had this idea that if anything should happen during the course of a certain relationship (that I would have in the future), I want to make sure that I'm secured. If not emotionally, then at least financially.

Out loud, that's what I think.

But, once in a while, when I'm alone - driving on the road or sitting watching the tv - it occurred to me that that isn't really the reason.

Should I tell you what's the real reason?

Or should I make up some other reasons to guard my dignity?

*thinking*


Truth Is
Fantasia Barrino

Ran into an old friend yesterday
Caught me by surprise when he called my name
He was a familiar face, from a chapter in my past
Talked for awhile, I smiled and then
Said that he was seeing somebody and
Told me this was gonna last
Showing me her photograph

And all the feelings I thought were gone
Came rushing back to me at once
Tried to smile and hide the way I felt
But I was thinking to myself

(Truth is) I never got over you
(Truth is) wish I was standing in her shoes
(Truth is) and when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still I love with you
(Truth is) I never should have let you go
(Truth is) and it's killing me cause now I know
(Truth is) and when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still I love with you

We reminisced on the way things used to be
Shared a couple laughs, shared some memories
Talked about the things that changed
Some for good and some for bad
Then he said goodbye and he paid for lunch
Promised that we'd always keep in touch
Grabbed my bags and grabbed my thoughts
Walked away and that was that

And all the feelings I thought were gone
Came rushing back to me at once
Tried to smile and hide the way I felt
But I was thinking to myself

Now the truth is, it hurts
But I know that the fault's mine
Cause I let him go
Tried to get over it, but it's messing with my mind
(Because I know)

I just gotta be honest, I guess
I guess I'm still in love


******************


ps: oh, one more thing. don't read into the above lyrics too much. it has nothing to do with this!

pss: Have anyone read "Why the One You Fancy Never Fancies You"? Is it any good?